Persistent

Firm

The legs are back in shape. This always happens first. I'm not sure why but my legs always get the muscle tone back before the rest of me. I noticed this last night on my way to the gym when I leaned to scratch a calf and instead of my fingers sinking into the leg they touched a thing that felt like a hard piece of wood, so I scratched the other one just to check....yep...the legs are back, arms are close behind. :-)

I have also had to start tightening the belt as the trousers are getting a bit loose. I don't need new ones yet but at this rate it wont be long before I am throwing stuff away again so perhaps new clothes for the summer may well be in order.

That wasn't the best buzz of yesterday though, Kieran came in with a huge grin on his face, I thought something had gone well at school but it was as simple as he had seen someone, waved and got a wave back. It was lovely to see the effect that it had on him.

No gym tonight, I can only go on my Kieran nights if Simon is there to watch him for my hour out and Simon isn't home tonight so it will be yoga in the living room instead.

 

Awe

Many years ago I started to write a story. I promised myself a while ago that I would continue but things seem to have just got in the way.
A mental block, a change of life, who knows?

But tonight I started to really write again. I sat in front of the computer and the words fell out of my fingers like water flowing down a babbling stream.

I'm not sure why or how but the Moorglade is going to fly and I feel elated.
This is a special day.

I'm not sure what is happening, people are noticing a change in how I look or perhaps how I 'feel' and I'm only 7lbs lighter. I got the buzz from the exercise tonight at the gym and it seemed to carry itself from my body into me head and the words just flowed and flowed and flowed. I almost don't want to give up and sleep. I feel like I could write forever.

I know when it happened, I was on the cross trainer at the gym tonight when "Everlong" by Foo Fighters came onto the Ipod, it was electric, it made me run faster and I began to burn, and then something happened and for some totally unknown reason everything changed.

Hello
I've waited here for you
Everlong

And I wonder
When I sing along with you
If everything could ever feel this real forever
If anything could ever be this good again

Does anyone know what on earth happened to me today?

Missing the dark stuff

I miss my really strong black coffee in the mornings. But as I am on the health kick I am now drinking four cups of green tea a day.
I would like to say I am enjoying it and go on to say how the refreshing properties of green tea are perking me up but sadly I just can't. This stuff tastes awful but I'm drinking it anyway because it is the only thing that through studies has been shown to aid weight loss in a big way.
Problem is you have to drink four cups a day.

Big Eyes

Lilya Rose was one yesterday and I got to go and see her this morning.

She is going through the shy stage where you pick her up and she looks at Mam or Dad to make sure that it is OK to be picked up by this person but a minute later there were smiles as I flew her through the air.

She still has the massive blue eyes that were so huge and bright when she was first born. I can see in the future that there will be a few men who get lost in those eyes, and why not, I do every time I see them. :-)

Before - After

When I started going to the gym they first put me on a weird machine that measures everything about me with great accuracy. It told me that I was 22lb overweight and showed me where the fat was (like I didn't know) it gave me BMI, Muscle index, % fat and lots of other stuff I didn't want to know but had to know really.

I got another reading today 10 days later and I have lost 5lb of fat, I'm actually 1lb heavier but it is muscle, it seems that the fat is being lost from the correct place as well so that is pretty good.

I'm really going to keep this up, I want to be who I was 18 months ago, I would like everything to be as it was 18 months ago, or perhaps better...yes perhaps better would be the target because if you don't try to improve yourself what is the point of anything.

After the gym I had a nice afternoon with Mike and had my first experience of a sauna (with rocks and a water ladle) and a steam room that smells like eucalyptus, the body fat reading was taken before that so I wouldn't be at all surprised if I am another pound lighter after all that sweat and swimming.

The carpet and vinyl combination is in and looks great, I ended up with better underlay than I had paid for because they had run out of the stuff I bought so win for me.

The kitchen is a lot warmer in both centigrade and ambiance so I am very pleased. I bet now that I have done this I get a message saying that the next house I am waiting for is ready, wouldn't that just be the way :-)

 

Final Flooring

Tomorrow the final stage of the flooring goes in, the combination vinyl & carpet in the kitchen.

It will be nice to feel the house is a step closer to being home and I have had to save up for many months to get here so it is well worth it.

Today I bought tickets to see Newton Faulkner, he is playing Newcastle in May. I am hoping to go with a friend, we will see what happens.

I had a talk with mum tonight, mums tend to know right and wrong in their children and I am lucky to have a mother who isn't shy about telling me when I have been wrong. I am also big enough to listen to her and admit it so there are going to be some changes 'fo shizzle' as another friend would remark.

I have been hitting the gym with a combination of "I want to" and "I can" and a bit of "do I have to do that" but it's giving me an overall better feeling to go with the achyness and I am starting to get the shape and strength back again that I had a few years ago, it may take a few more months but I am heading in the right direction another 'fo shiz' would probably fit in there quite well.

Work is bouncing me from one place to the next and I have done a nice 12 hourer today but things are starting to move forward in the right direction as far as the I.T. is concerned so I'm feeling pretty good about that too.

It's time to take a step to the front, I'm not sure how easy everything is going to be but I think it's time to leave a lot of stuff behind and realise that I have always been a good man. I don't lie, I don't cheat, I treat my friends well and love my family before myself and with all that still intact I think I can do alright.

One of the girls took me to one side today to thank me for being a friend through a recent hard time that is now over. She said that everyone knew how sad I was at the moment and said she had found it amazing that I had so much time for others. "You hand out laughter, hope and strength like sweeties from your pocket and you don't leave any for yourself" she said and she kissed me on the cheek. I could have caved there and then but there is something about keeping the act up at work that holds you in form.

And then I came home and got my mum. Yep! There are times you need a good talking 'at' and I have had one tonight. There are times you need to listen and have the 'at' take effect and if I can do 15 minutes on that torture machine to the left (yes that is me swinging like a monkey) I don't see why I cant do other stuff as well. I have sweeties in my pocket, none for me just now though I'm not in that place yet.

I have incense burning behind me, the smell of it does bring memories and yep, there may be some tears but it's part of everything isn't it and I can't not light incense forever

I'm happy with who I am, I am also happy to wait for what I want and what I believe to be right. I can wait forever, I have loads of books and access to the internet and two Newton Faulkner tickets. What's to think about?

 

 

Incense

I hate these 3am "who's got stuff on their mind then?" things.
Still at least it gives me a chance to blog I realised last night that the house hasn't been itself lately, partly because I haven't been myself either most of the time.

It was quite a simple thing in that I don't seem to have been lighting incense. The smell was always part of the house but it's just been missing of late just not there.

I realised when I was cleaning because I always empty the burner boxes and for the third time during a clean up they still hadn't been used. I had an urge to light some, just because...... But that didn't seem right either.
Something has changed here, either in me or in the feeling of the house and I don't want incense at the moment. It doesn't seem to suit. I actually think it would make me cry. How strange is that?

Moving...not sure when

I have decided to move house, I know that I have not been in this one very long but I do have a plan, a quite specific plan about where I would like to be.

This house was a move based on nice house (70%) and being closer to Helen. The Helen thing didn't work out and it sort of plays on me when I drive up the road and past the shop and other stuff so I have made the decision.

Now it's just a case of waiting for where I would like to be.

 

You stick it up your nose....

It's a lovely thing when people want to help, but I got a bit back stepped today.

I have been stuffed up for a few days, I was sniffy last week and now I am over the sniffy but quite bunged. This doesn't help the new daily gym and excercise regime and it makes me talk funny which is a constant source of amusment if only because I make it so.

'D' decided to come into my office to help and sat a thing on my desk, "This is for you" he said, "It helped me get over the blocked nose"
I looked at what he had given me, a used vicks inhaler, "You stick it up your nose" he said. ""Yes" I agreed, somewhat taken aback. I know it's a nice thought but I couldn't help my eyes moving to his nose, the last place that this particular item had been inserted. I have trouble sharing a bottle of pop, in the whole of my life there has only been one person that I could share a bottle with and now this man wanted me to insert something in my body that had been previously inserted into his nasal cavity....when it was bunged....
"Very kind" I said, "Thank you"

I now have a problem because it is sat where he left it and I don't even want to touch it. I may have to sneak off to the bathroom and get some tissues so that I can insert it into the bin.

Every Cloud....

I have a few people who I love to bits. Vicki is one of them and it's a shame that I only get to see her for a few hours every few years, but yesterday was one of those times when we were both in the same part of the country and not both working so I had a lovely day catching up, drinking gin and listening to Leonard Cohen, Gill Scott Heron and Josh Rouse who I had on vinyl but hadn't heard for ages.

Now everybody's scared
Scared of being lonely and abandoned
If you find someone who cares
If you find someone to love and understand you
Then you people all know know what I'm talkin' about
(Yeah you people all know what he's talkin' about)

Monkey pushed in for a minute, but then he was pushed out again because I'm afraid this night was mine with one of my special people and I was damn well going to enjoy it without conversation turning to fruit.

There is a tentative plan to go to a festival and meet up later in the year, I have a tent so I am tentativly planning on making this happen.

You lifted me yesterday Vicki, don't know what and where else but you are my Silver Lining.

x