Persistent

To remind me

I got some news tonight, it was difficult to hear and hard to accept.

I can't say what it is, there will be more later. This is just to remind me.

I wish....

" I see you"

Two

Kieran and I had a run to the Metro Centre today, it's my dads birthday and he wants shoes so we went to get some. Kieran ended up getting some trendy belt buckles and a new XBox game, we got said shoes and then headed home.

It was a quick day out but once there was a new XBox game home was a great pull and it seemed to be very important to get back there as soon as possible.

It's strange now that Kieran is making that extra spurt of growth, he may be the youngest of my children but at 14 genetics has made him the tallest and its almost hard to remember him as a child now. I'm glad I have so many pictures to remind me.

We are settled into our pattern of life now, he spends 8 nights with me and then 6 with his mum but there is still the fact that he has to jump between two homes. I possibly treat him a little softer than I did the other three because they didn't have to live like that. I often wonder what it must be like for him, I'm his father, I have 49 years of life behind me but he is living in a way that I never had to and have no concept of.
Sometimes I worry what it must be like for him to have to juggle the life of two parents in the mind of a 14 year old.

My Dad snapped an excellent picture of him on the guitar a few weeks ago.

Everything that I wanted to be as a teenager he seems to be managing.

I wonder if he will also manage my dream of fame?

When we were on our way to the shop I was singing along in the car and it turns out that my voice is starting to get itself retrained. Must be all those trips down to Milton Keynes singing along to myself for four hours at a time. Kieran said I had Lego House almost pitch perfect "Couldn't tell the diffrence at times" he said. I have been pondering a bit about getting into another band. I may ponder it a bit more, I think I would enjoy it.

As it wasn't too cold yesterday I decided to have a go at the weeds in the front garden. Kieran decided that as I was doing 'real work' there should be some sort of photo record so he called me names suitable for old men in the garden while I swung a spade around and killed weeds.

These were the first photos I have seen of me in a while and I noticed that the gym seems to be doing its work. My arms are building up again as well.

We are in hope of a warm Easter, it would be nice to be able to go out to a few places and there are some places that I really want to take him.

Next week is already looking like a busy one. I have prep for Infosec down at Reading on Wednesday, a day at our MK office on Thursday and a huge catch up of work at the office Friday and Saturday.

It's so busy. I am even in the office for two hours every morning over the next few days. It works out well as Simon is at work and needs a lift and Kieran doesn't get up until 10am at the earliest so I still get a couple of hours work in to try and catch up.

And once this project is done I have another three on the burner. Better get those arms ready...

Crazy!

The weather is crazy for one thing, summer sun for days and them blizzards, freezing cold snowy blizzards and now sun again.

I may be going to Infosec at Earls Court in a few weeks, more IT security fame and fortune. Infosec is the biggest trade fair for security in Europe so it will be great to be there and be able to scare people with some hacking tricks and tools. I nearly had a fit with myself because I had accepted going before checking the calender to see if I had Kieran or not. Luckily it worked out as a not or I wouldn't have been going. I must remember on the first day to call Sophie and say Happy Birthday, I still miss my smallest girl, don't see enough of her :-(

Going to Infosec means that I will miss the awards at Hardwick Hall, but I am pretty sure that Centrex will win, and someone else can enjoy the calories while I work.

Nice :-)

Sunburn

Was listening to Ed Sheeran last night, I bought the extended version of + on itunes a while ago but never listened to it all the way through.

For some reason I had stopped writing and was just sitting back sipping wine when he started to sing Sunburn, he may as well have sang every beat of my heart for the last 5 months.

Not often a song gets me like that, but I couldn't write any more that evening. Couldn't do anything in fact, couldn't even listen to it again...

Don't think I have ever felt so hollow and empty for such a long period of time.
It doesn't go away either.

Nutters!

Why is everyone panic buying fuel when we know there isn't going to be a tanker driver strike until after Easter if at all?

Milton Keynes was crazy yesterday, every garage I passed was closed off and had no fuel. I went onto the motorway and just filled up straight away.
I'm tired today after the one day drive and back, spent most of the day network cabling through the office roof. It's been a while since I have been up the ladders doing work like that. I forgot how dusty you can get.

Early night tonight as I will be in the office tomorrow

 

We are Giants

Went to The Spice Cube in The gate with Donna last night. Have to say that the food was not as good as it has been in the past but it was still a lovely evening.
It was nice to get all chatty and hear about everything that has been going on. It's funny how you start to hear the same sort of story many times from people only in different words and set in different places. Her story crossed over into mine in parts and went beyond it in others. I've noticed lately as I have caught up with people and talked to new people that there does seem to be a recurring theme of behaviour that despite rumour I have actually never indulged in. I wondered to Donna if perhaps I had a gene missing? "Or just nice and normal" she said. I told her I was actually a secret giant, but that I hid it well using a combination of baggy clothes and mirrors.

Afterwards we had a quick walk around the ruins at Blackfriars where an amazing photo opportunity threw itself onto a wall, turned out Donna and I are both secret giants, so as the proof was there I had to take advantage and photograph it.

Overall a really nice evening and i dropped her off at home with enough time for me to get back and have a glass of wine myself. (However long that takes)

I'm off to Milton Keynes again tomorrow, it's getting so busy now as the softphone project starts to come together and everything begins to start taking shape to change the way we communicate throughout the organisation.
I love being busy although the fact that I can only go to MK on the weeks I don't have Kieran means that there is little time for any social life so it was really good to manage to get out last night even if it was a work night.

 

My Hair Was Longer Then

They are advertising this years Stockton Weekender. Seems there is a bloke in a check shirt and his son on the poster, a crowd image taken last year when we were watching Newton Faulkner.

My hair was longer, and that day is a mixture of good memories and sad ones watching Newton
I have tickets to see him again in May, probably going to be more of the same. Except this time my hair is shorter.

High!

It was the North East business awards last night so it was an evening of networking and talking to people and yes...there was food and I had to wear a bow tie.

Centrex were in the final three of the services catagory and we were up against two very capable businesses in Eclipse Tranlations and ITPS both of whom are very well known in the region.
There was a bit of a roar from our table when they announced Centrex as the winner but it was the conversation around the table afterwards that touched me. It was nothing but praise for all of the people who work in the organisation, the bench repairers, the engineers, the call centre staff. Everyone was recognised as having been part of winning this award and it was quite humbling to listen to the senior management speak with passion about the employees and to hear it recognised by them when this award was so fresh in their hands. I have often said that this is a special place to work and it was confirmed to me last night exactly why that is, these people have worked for six years to build up the business, and when it gets an award they talked about the people that work here and how well they did.

There were 26 entrys in our catagory, we got to the final three and then we won. Carolyn looked a bit shocked on the stage when they announced it. I was buzzing, I'm still buzzing now. The only sad thing from my point of view is that I wish there had been someone that I could have sent a text to when they announced the winner. Someone special to share it with. Luckily when I got home there was a special bottle of wine in the fridge so I shared my buzz with that, and very nice company it was too :-)

Spring in my step.

Had a nice meeting with someone this morning who got lots of financial issues sorted out for me.

Left that building with a spring in my step, a smile on my face and a bit more belief in balance and karma.

:-)

 

Ask

This is my pendulum, it was given to me as a gift last year and I have kept it out when most other things went into a box.

I used to ask it a lot of things, some answers I didn't like and some I did. But it was most often right. I have not asked it anything for a while now and then last night I had one of those vivid dreams, a very real dream in which I was using it and damn me if it wasn't a true guide after all, so with the dream in mind I got up this morning and asked it some questions.

I didn't much like the answers because no matter which way I asked it insists on one thing when everything else in the world screams the other.
So now I get a confused Monday, do I believe the dream and the follow up or not?

My mind has been open to so much the last few years but I'm not sure if I can trust the 2+2 of dreams and new age spirituality making 4 when the 2+2 of life and world scream a different 4

I'm not sure which way to go, perhaps I should ask my friend on the left here :-)