I
have never been one for having really close friends, or been part of what may
be termed a social circle. This probably started when I was younger and I had a
surname that invited derision and made me a target (I was a Bottom up to the
age of 15)
The
name certainly made me thick skinned and I am as impervious to name calling.
I
remember vividly the point when that happened.
I
was aged around 8 and one summer day I ran out of the classroom into the school
yard to play. A group of about ten boys from my class decided to make a line
behind me and follow me around the school yard chanting “bum, bum, bum” repetitively
and in step with me as they walked along. I am not sure if the line got longer
as people joined in but the words certainly seemed to be louder as time went
on.
I
led the line over to the school fence where I stood still, leaning on the
diamond shaped wooden top piece and looking outward to where some houses were
being built. I watched as the workers made what seemed to be very slow process
somehow stopped my ears from working and I didn’t look behind me. Eventually the taunting stopped as everyone got
bored and went away.
I spent the whole lunch time looking outward over the fence at the builders so
that no one would see the tears, but when I eventually turned around and walked
back to the school for lessons it wasn’t possible to hurt me anymore. I don’t know
if something had broken or just toughened, but from that day on I was
different. I had learned how to be soulless and emotionless and it was a skill
that I found I would use at other times.
One
of the things that I have found as I got older is that because of my ability
not to hurt I sometimes am just a little too terse when I don’t need to be.
Those who know me have probably seen this or even felt it as my mind and mouth
put together some response that wouldn’t hurt me at all but is maybe just a
little too strong or honest for others.
I
am slowly (very slowly) learning to control this because for the first time
ever I have found that I am now part of a social circle, a real one.
These
friendships are just one of the gifts that we attribute to our move to
Newbiggin by the Sea, prior to our living in this place both Rebecca and
myself were quite solitary, both of us only having one close friend and a few joint
acquaintances. This is partly due to at that time having a life full of
children of a certain age who took most of our time anyway, but even so, it is
nice to be where we are now and sharing our lives with those that we are proud
to call our friends.
In
case you are wondering where this all comes from, it is because last night was
poker night. It’s a thing that has been happening once a month for the last six
months or so, us ‘blokes’ get to sit and play cards, mostly poker in a variety
of forms, but often other card games too. We don’t play for money as that is
not what it is about, but we have plastic hips that add to the fun. The game often descends to the level where nobody knows
whose turn it is to bet or how many times we have changed cards and we really
don’t care because the idea is that we sit round a table, talk, laugh and watch
Jason lose his chips as Neil gets more and more drunk.
Last
night was a good one and it left me feeling all warm and fuzzy about having good
friends.
I
think the lesson of the school yard may be fading; it’s possible I may be
softening.
I
think I could get used to it.
Funny that, I was talking to Suzi about the friends we have made since we moved here and how enriched our lives have been and wondered what we had brought to people here (if anything) and 'time' was one of the things mentioned. I'd never thought about time...it is a precious thing, but sharing it makes it more precious and for one am glad to give it.
By the way, I didn't think you all had plastic hips just yet.
Posted by: Rebecca | July 18, 2008 at 02:24 PM
Sir... I may be getting on but I do NOT have plastic hips yet!
Posted by: Tim the Enchanter | July 18, 2008 at 05:07 PM
I just knew Tim's hips would come up sooner or later. Good one last night - I don't usually win a single hand. You're a fine bunch - and let's all be friends for ever or at least until I've won all your money.
Posted by: Jason Thompson | July 18, 2008 at 06:38 PM
Hey enough about plastic hips ...... proud tohave you asvery close friends. see yaall next week. ok enough said haha.xxx
Posted by: fave sis michelle | July 19, 2008 at 12:59 AM
Mush pile! Mush pile!
Posted by: just a girl | July 19, 2008 at 01:09 AM
Been there, done that. I'm still learning to try to be "more emotional". Thanks for expressing what you did. It has helped me.
Posted by: Liz Curtis | July 19, 2008 at 09:23 AM
nice to know :)
And I only get more and more drunk because you know I have almost no willpower and keep 'magically' refilling my glass!
Posted by: Neil | July 19, 2008 at 06:28 PM
there seems to be a lot of people who tend to close themselves off emotionally. I go into a sort of 'auto mode' when things are getting me down and shut people out without even realising I'm doing it.
Posted by: Jenn | July 19, 2008 at 09:42 PM
Lovely blog Ian, it is hard not to close off sometimes as most people are mad really! Still I feel the same about this crazy little place we have all ended up in and the friends it has brought us. You have my ultimate sympathy by the way, I thought having the name payne at school was hideous but you were definitely worse off!
x
Posted by: suzy colebeck | July 20, 2008 at 09:42 AM